Funeral Program

Sophia Payne, my beloved daughter of 14 years, left this world on July 24, 2025.  That day started like an ordinary day.

My daughters usually slept late as it is summer and Rachelle went to wake up Sophia at 10:15 or so.  Sophia proceeded to get up but didn’t come downstairs.

Rachelle and I left to grab lunch at Torchy’s around 11:45.  We returned to the house at 12:30 and I took a work call as I walked in the door.  The TV was on and Savannah was talking to Rachelle so I went downstairs to complete the call.  In our basement there is an area at the bottom of the landing and I stood there until the call was completed.  The call was only 4 minutes long.

When the call was completed, I went to look out the basement walkout door as the views were beautiful.  That is when I saw Sophia.  Terror filled my chest.

I ran to the stairs and screamed for Rachelle to dial 911.  She immediately responded and I ran back to Sophia and started CPR.  Upon the paramedics arrival just a few minutes later, we were asked to go upstairs so they could do their job.

The next 30 minutes are what I would only describe as the most terrible waiting period I have ever experienced.  I was crying, Rachelle was crying, and Savannah was hysterical.  Jaden was our rock in this crucial timeframe and started helping us by summoning resources.

Updates trickled in from the fire chief.  About 30 minutes in, we received the final  update that they had tried everything, but Sophia had not responded to anything and she was gone.

When I heard these words I felt a crushing pain and sadness I have never felt before, with nothing to compare it to.  I sobbed as I called my parents and siblings.  They all were so amazing as my parents and every single sibling dropped what they were doing and immediately made travel plans to come up and join our family.

Thursday, July 24, 2025 was truly the worst day of my life.  Where was God in my family’s most trying time?

When a loss like this occurs, I am told that God will bring healing.  That is certainly true.  But saying a prayer by myself doesn’t  bring immediate comfort.  But do you know what does? A hug. 

Saying a prayer while sobbing on the floor rarely brings an immediate sense of relief.  But do you know what does?  A kind word, or even just sitting next to a person while they cry.

I have never understood until this week how someone’s presence brings so much comfort, even when no words are said.  A hug helps so much.  So if you want to know how God showed up, let me tell you. 

God showed up looking like next door neighbors Molly and Jon Callister, who answered the call, sprinted over,  and took Savannah and our dog to their house.  I was in shock and could not have articulated what I needed in that moment, but she saw what we needed and took action. 

God showed up looking like our dear friends Nate and Kim Waddoups, who just showed up and sat with us those first few hours.  Nate didn’t worry about what to say because honestly, there is nothing to say.  I wasn’t looking for him to say anything.  He just offered a hug and quiet companionship.

God showed up looking like Rachelle’s friends Torrie Hunt, Hannah West, and Marissa Neyenhuis, who knew they could help make meals for the family.  That was so helpful because I couldn’t eat for nearly 2 days, but everybody else was hungry.  I didn’t see the need through my grief, but they did.

God showed up looking like family friend Justin Neumann, who decided to become my personal hydration boot camp instructor.  He was by my side, knew when I wasn’t drinking, and insisted on ensuring I take action to correct it.  He cared for me and hugged me and told me he loved me. He brought his family over, including Lindsay, Camden, Crewe, Brooks, Bodie, and Wells and they have helped all of us laugh, cry, remember, and grow closer.

God showed up looking like our personal and close friends Scott and Leann Coleman.  He was in Grand Junction on his way to Utah when he received word of the tragedy.  He turned around immediately and ran to our side.  His wife Leann was right there with him, at our house, every day, even when it interrupted a birthday celebration.  Scott drew on the power of God to deliver a blessing of comfort and peace that so deeply touched my soul I will never be the same.

God showed up like the young women in the Spring Gulch neighborhood, including Amanda Hurler, who brought over a huge poster filled with their personal memories and heartfelt kind words.   

There were countless other examples that were no less impactful or meaningful.  I thank each one of you who showed up from the depths of my soul.

Why do I share all of this?  Because I didn’t have to look heavenward for God to show up.  His followers showed up in force. 

I have never had a harder week than this past week.  The anguish I felt and still feel was so gut wrenching.  I have never cried so many tears.

I had initially planned for this point to be the transition to a conclusion.  But I want to add something here because this week I have had so many different conversations about mental health.  Conversations with people who have attempted suicide or have loved ones who have attempted suicide.  I feel strongly that somebody here needs to hear what I am about to say.

My message is this: it’s okay to not be okay, and there is help available. 

I’m going to share with you a very personal part of my life I have never before shared in a public setting.

When I was a young father, we knew something was wrong with our special needs daughter Savannah, but we didn’t know what.  She would scream for hours on a daily basis, enough to where our neighbors told us they bought ear plugs to find some peace and quiet.  It was clear she had visual issues.  We visited so many specialists looking for help.

 While this multi-year diagnostic process was happening, I started to spiral.  While we didn’t have a clear diagnosis yet, it was becoming clear that Savannah would never be like the other kids and the likelihood of her growing up, getting married, and having kids was likely zero.  My dreams of her future were shattered, it seemed.

I was a collegiate football player.  I was a Harvard graduate.  I had been trained from a very early age to endure pain, embrace the suck, hyper focus my efforts while eliminating distractions, and to expect loneliness at the top of the mountain of sporting success because it’s a zero sum game.  You win or you lose.

However, the very habits that made me successful started to destroy me.

I swallowed my emotions. I hyperfocused at work and started to neglect my personal relationships.  I pretended nothing was wrong with me.  But I started to lash out, not physically, but verbally and emotionally.  My relationship with Rachelle started to suffer.  My relationship with my friends and family started to suffer.  I got angrier and angrier the harder I stuffed down my emotions.  I didn’t reach out for help because I believed “real men” don’t reach out for help.

Finally, after a verbal fight with Rachelle, I decided to end my marriage or end my life.  We had a substantial amount of life insurance and I truly believed my family would be better off without me.  If I could provide her with money, I reasoned, she and my family would have a better life.  They would find happiness.

But thank God that, when I presented these options to Rachelle, she correctly determined that this issue had become too big for either of us to handle.  Thank God she helped me find a professional that helped me discover new tools to deal with these challenges.  A professional that helped me reframe problems and stop burying everything deep inside.  Thank God we found a real partner that helped pull me back from a decision that would have caused so much sadness long after I was gone.

If what I just shared sounds like something you have struggled with, I plead with you to reach out for help.  In our professional lives, we build networks of experts to help fuel our success.  Experts like accountants, lawyers, and marketing experts.  Similarly, in our personal lives, we should likewise invest in coaches, therapists, and other professionals.  People to help us become better and go farther than we could alone.  We know that a team always goes further than an individual by themselves.  There are cards outside with some resources I encourage you to consult.

We have heard today about so many of Sophia‘s amazing characteristics and traits.  She was extremely gifted.  When this happened, we went through her phone to try to find a reason behind why or a search history suggesting that she had hidden issues. 

Ultimately, we found almost nothing, which, while we will never know for sure, suggests to us this was a snap decision.

I plead with you to reach out and talk to somebody who can help you if you are struggling with things that seem too large for you to handle.  Don’t choose the wrong tool to deal with your struggles.  Don’t pay the ultimate price for a 5 cent problem.

I have no doubt that God awaited Sophia with loving  arms.  I can feel her looking down on us today.  I know she would want to relieve our suffering and she would want us to talk about our problems with others who can help us.

In closing, thank you for being with me today to celebrate Sophia.  Where would God be today if he was on the earth?  Right here, sitting with you, crying with you, and just being with you.

I want you to think about how, right now, almost none of us are on our phones.  We are with each other, really with each other.  Face to face, personally connecting.  You heard Rachelle share how Sophia loved big welcomes.  She made others feel like the most important person in their lives.  Sophia would want us to be together, deeply connecting, and really enjoying our friendship and love.   

Please take a look at your pink bracelet - Fierce like Sophia.  Let’s  be fierce like Sophia.  Fierce in  our competitive spirit.  Fierce in our willingness to be kind to others, even when it may not seem like the cool thing to do.  Fierce in our willingness to show up and be there for our friends, even when there is nothing to say.  And most importantly, Fierce in our love for each other.

I know that’s what Sophia would want.  I know that’s what God would want.  And that is why we love them and will always remember them.  In Jesus’ name, amen.